toilets, etc

Phew, that`s over. Now we can get back to other matters, of which there are two I particularly want to tell you about.
The first is a technological innovation commonplace in Japan that most Europeans seem to have no notion of. It`s an area where the British are not so far behind, but the French remain in the dark ages. I am talking about toilets - the kind you place your bum on.
Everywhere I`ve stayed,including Yuuka`s house, has what they call `an oshiri shower.` Oshiri means bum. You have a little control panel with an array of buttons on the wall just at sitting down level next to the pan. The buttons have writing and symbols on them which if you are like me, you will have a hard time deriving any meaning from, and thus be too scared to use. This morning, after my excretive affairs were discussed at length over the Yamada family breakfast (constipation on first arrving in Japan, followed by it`s inverse:`geri`), I was cajoled into using the oshiri shower properly for the first time. On a previous occasion (at the spa) I had toyed with it gingerly, but actually found the spurt missed the key spot, if you follow my meaning. My error, apparently, was this: you have to move to find the oshiri shower, not the other way round. The optimum way to do this, Yuuka`s mum informed me, is by a kind of seated salsa arse jiggle.
Happily, I was able to put the instruction to effect, and even moved on to the third and strongest setting. The effect was pleasing I suppose, and maybe more hygienic, but it doesn`t obviate the need for toilet paper. I will put it down as an example of how the Japanese love any form of technology that increases their comfort.
At a cost of about two hundred quid (to update a standard toilet) it's not that expensive either. Though let`s face it, most people have more pressing needs on which to spend their filthy lucre.
Oh, one more thing: there are three pink buttons too, underneath the main shower trio, which apparently are for `female needs`. I wonder if I should have a go...

Second thing I wanted to mention was the Japanese attitude to religion. But it`s actually too big a topic and I can`t be bothered starting now. Mata atode!